#DeepConversations with The Sparrow: We talk birth order and it’s impact on your personality.
It is the last Tuesday of November and I can hear the jingle bells and smell Christmas around the corner-hooray.
The most frequently asked question around this block; What are your Christmas plans?
Do you have any? I think with age the whole excitement goes and is replaced by the worry of how to make it through Janworry alive, what to get the parents, the kids, food that you will probably cook all day and not enjoy like everyone else and for some, how to put up with annoying relatives and how to stay mentally sane.
For others, it is which person to take home as a designated girl/boyfriend to survive the arrows flying past you both day and night from your family!
May grace abound. May you mind your health with all this food going on and may you not spend below your belt and may you find the courage to stay true to your values – amen!
So let’s talk birth order and how it can affect your personality as promised.
Let me first put it out there that I only found out that birth order is actually called birth order after giving birth and read it on Mackayla’s Immunisation card.
It is not something we directly talk about I think, our conversations about it go like; How many kids are you? You are number what?-lord save our English!
So birth order for those at the back is the position you occupy in order of birth among your siblings ie firstborn, second…middle, last, and or only child.
So let us start with common Firstborn traits;
- High academic achievement and ambition
- Stronger sense of responsibility and maturity
- Better leadership than other siblings
Firstborns tend to get a lot of attention and affection from theIr parents, they are the first so why not! There is also higher expectation placed on them than the rest of their siblings.
The more expectation placed on you the more you are likely to work hard to live up to those expectations, there is a lot of fear of failure or disappointment.
Middle Child Traits;
- Flexible and Sociable
- Able to make and mantaiin relationships easily
A middle child doesn’t have the expectation placed on the first child nor the leniency of the last born child therefore s/he tends to be less ambitious and competitive than the predecessors hence living a more relaxed attituded towards life.
A middle child is more of a social butterfly as s/he seeks a relationship from the outside world given that it is not that available in the family.
- Charming and likeable
- Possibly more creative than other siblings
- Strong sense of confidence and security
- Generally less responsible and mature than the oldest sibling.
At this point parents are on a ‘ been there done that, nothing new mode.’ They have seen it all with all the siblings thus becoming more lenient and having lower expectations.
However, this often leads to a great sense of irresponsibility because they feel like others will take the lead.
The Lone Child Traits;
- Academically able
- Creative and resourceful
- Often hates disdorder and like to be in control
Parents of an only child or the lone child have high expectations but unlike firstborns, this child does not have to compete for attention from the parents, there are no other siblings so s/he has all the attention undivided and as result, they tend to thrive
Seeing as there is nothing like compromising with siblings and experiencing a chaotic world, this child often has trouble relating with peers and also feels out of control when things do not go their way.
All this finding is very interesting but there are different variations to be considered like gender, socio-economic standards, the age gap between siblings, and how many siblings there are.
What I have is shared are the common psychology theories that have been widely researched, studied, and conclusive for many years regarding birth order.
Some of these aspects may make sense to you but not every single person in the world in a specific birth order.
Do you relate to any of these theories? I would love to hear from you, please share in the comments section right below this blog.
How I relate with the theories;
If I hadn’t discovered the term birth order, I would have started off this paragraph like; “I don’t actually know what born I am…”
I know better now. The truth is I do not know how to answer this question no matter how old I get.
I am an only child between my parents but also I am not the first on both ends neither am I the last. So does this make me a lone child or a middle child?
Usually, when asked about my birth order I count up all my siblings on both ends and place myself somewhere in between there, we are a total of 11 children on both ends so you can see my dilemma and my interest in this subject.
My life bounces back and forth from some of the traits mentioned for all the birth orders I have written about above.
I don’t have any expectations placed on me by my surviving parent, the father. At least to the best of my knowledge lol. I instead have a lot of expectations on my shoulders placed there by my own person.
I also feel so much out of control when things don’t go my way. I am working on this because it is no healthy way to live for anyone. I need to be more kind to myself.
I love my things in order so much but I am proud to say I can now function with my bed unlaid- for some hours and also let the dust and cobwebs sleep on because this mom is tired! That is progress on my part, well done self!
My social skills are lacking, I am more of a loner than a social butterfly. Some people have interpreted this in all kinds of ways. It can be both a relief and painful at other times. I am creative too and I dare say likable- wink emoji.
With all said and done, please note that your personality and destiny in life is not predetermined at birth, there is a lot more involved.
Till next Tuesday,
I am the sparrow.