There has never been a time in all history like this, when the whole world had to pause because of a virus. Amidst all this, I need to remember how I felt and maybe the day I open this in future, I will be in need of something to cheer me up.
Today is day 18 of #UgBlogMonth Challenge, I will be writing a letter to self mainly for future reference. Let’s check up on me then;
How are you doing, how is your heart? It is the 36th day of the lock-down and the date is 6th of May 2020.
As I write this, Mackayla is screaming at the top of her voice because she wants to chill in the fridge and they won’t let her. There is an interesting conversation going on outside, apparently mom bought herself a ball since everyone else is working out lately so she sent the boys for it and soon as it got here, I heard the first rule;
“This ball is only for those who workout indoors, the rest of you go and do your things from the backyard!” (Simple terms, it is hers alone)
Yonah went like;
“Mom, that ball is meant to be played on the grass, you can’t play it here, it will burst!” This was cut short by Mackayla who claimed the ball to herself and she knows she is the baby of the house, she won…
Anyways, I know you are trying to figure out exactly how you feel but I want you to know that it is okay, sometimes you will have completely no control over situations and it is fine. You are so used to being in control, knowing that from A you go to B then C and Z finally but this seems to be different, you can’t even tell the letters apart, it is foggy.
I could also feel your fear the other night, when everyone else was in great anticipation of the lock down being lifted, you were instead afraid. Afraid of stepping out into the sun and getting your eyes hit by the strong light again.
The darkness seemed uncomfortable at first, you were not used to it, this was a new place but as it is, you finally found your way around it and your eyes got used. You did what is in your nature as a human being, adapt.
Now the thought of leaving your new normal for the unknown seems to be messing up your system, the difference is that you are not going back to the same place you knew, a lot has changed in you and you know it.
So that means shifting to another place whose path you don’t know, let’s simply say, you are afraid to start again.
Not even the extension of the lock-down could change this, instead of breathing a sigh of relief as I thought, you felt nothing, you were indifferent.
I also see you slowly crawling back to your old self, your survival default settings, but you are not the same person you were then.
We are not going to shut down we don’t have that luxury anymore so no matter how you feel I need you to get up and show up at your duty station.
Please stop taking life too serious, loosen up. The other day, all you did was just a blog which went into another day but, that is all you managed to get yourself to do, some days will be just like this and it is okay. Don’t beat yourself up, be more gentle on you. You are doing great trying to stay sane in the first place, that is what matters in this period.
I will be checking in from time to time and you will do great this year, keep keeping on, his eye is still on you- the sparrow and like big brother says, ça va aller!
Loving you always,